I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
always look on the bright side of life!
20th century frog
|
|
|
| cast members, pictures, and more | |
| Tigers in Africa? | |
|
|
The Decomposing Composers |
|
I will not buy this record, it is scratched. |
|
| I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched | |
| my hovercraft is full of eels. | |
| Ah. You have beautiful thighs. | |
| My nipples explode with delight. | |
| Please fondle my buttocks. | |
| Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime. | |
| If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? | |
| I am no longer infected | |
|
|
People falling from buildings |
| Look! Two people, three people have just fallen past that window. | |
| Must be a board meeting. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| It'll be Parkinson next. | |
| Come on, Parky! | |
| Don't do it, Parky! | |
| Jump, Parky, jump! | |
|
Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it, but always look on the bright side of life! |
|
| Dead Parrot sketch |
|
| Hello, I wish to register a complaint. Hello, Miss? | |
| What do you mean "miss"? | |
| I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint. | |
| We're closing for lunch. | |
| Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. | |
| Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it? | |
| I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! | |
| No, no, uh... He's resting | |
| Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. | |
| No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't it, ay? Beautiful plumage! |
|
| The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead. | |
| Nononono, no, no! He's resting! | |
| All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! Hello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show... | |
| There, he moved! | |
| No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage! | |
| I never!! | |
| Yes, you did! | |
| I never, never did anything... | |
| HELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! | |
| Now, that's what I call a dead parrot. | |
| No, no.....No, he's stunned! | |
|
|
STUNNED?!? |
| Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major. | |
| Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk | |
| Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. | |
| Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home? | |
| The Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on it's back! Remarkable bird, isn't it, squire? Lovely plumage! | |
|
20th century frog |
Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. |
| Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent them apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! | |
| THE PENIS SONG | "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! He's bleeding demised! |
| No no! He's pining! | |
| He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!! He's fucking snuffed it! This is an ex-parrot. | |
|
|
Well, I'd better replace it, then. |
| Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots. | |
| I see. I see, I get the picture. | |
| I got a slug. | |
| Pray, does it talk? | |
| Not really. | |
| WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!? | |
| Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! | |
| What if somebody attacks you with a pointed stick? | |
| I like Chinese by Monty Python | |
| I bet they won't play this song on the radio | |
| another Monty Python song | |
